Imposter Syndrome: Is It Holding You Back?

Have you ever sat in a meeting, been offered a promotion, or received a compliment and thought — they've got the wrong person? That quiet, nagging voice that whispers you don't really deserve your success, that sooner or later people will figure out you've been winging it all along — that's imposter syndrome. And you are far from alone in experiencing it.

Here in Portsmouth and across Hampshire, I speak with so many people who are quietly carrying this feeling. High-achievers, caring professionals, creative people, parents returning to work — people from all walks of life who, on the surface, appear confident and capable, yet inside feel like a fraud. If this resonates with you, I'd like to invite you to get curious about it rather than push it away. Because understanding where imposter syndrome comes from can be the first gentle step towards loosening its grip.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

The term was first coined in the late 1970s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, who noticed a pattern in high-achieving women who believed their success was down to luck rather than ability. Since then, research has shown it affects people of all genders, ages, and backgrounds — and it's remarkably common.

Imposter syndrome isn't a clinical diagnosis or a character flaw. It's an experience — a set of thoughts and feelings that can leave you holding yourself back, shrinking in rooms where you deserve to take up space, or working yourself into exhaustion trying to prove something that doesn't need proving.

Some common signs include:

• Dismissing your achievements as luck or good timing
• Fear of being "found out" or exposed as incompetent
• Difficulty accepting praise or positive feedback
• Overworking to compensate for feeling inadequate
• Comparing yourself unfavourably to others
• Feeling like you don't belong, even when you clearly do

Where Does It Come From?

This is where curiosity becomes such a powerful tool. Rather than telling yourself to just stop feeling this way, what if you gently asked — where did this begin?

For many people, the roots of imposter syndrome stretch back to childhood and the messages we absorbed — often without realising it. Perhaps you grew up in a family where praise was rare, or where achievement was expected but never truly celebrated. Maybe you were the first in your family to go to university, to enter a particular profession, or to step into a leadership role, and some part of you still feels like you don't quite belong in those spaces.

Early experiences of criticism, comparison, or conditional love can plant seeds of self-doubt that quietly grow into adulthood. So too can experiences of being different — whether that's due to class, race, gender, neurodiversity, or any number of other factors that can make someone feel like an outsider in certain environments.

Sometimes imposter syndrome is also tied to perfectionism. When we set impossibly high standards for ourselves, anything short of perfect feels like failure — and failure, we fear, will reveal the truth about us.

Why Curiosity Matters

There's something quietly powerful about approaching our inner world with curiosity rather than judgement. When we judge ourselves — why can't I just be confident? — we add another layer of shame on top of what's already there. But when we get curious — I wonder why I feel this way? — we create a little breathing room.

Curiosity says: this feeling makes sense, even if it isn't accurate. It says: there's a story here worth understanding. And in that understanding, change becomes possible.

Practical Ways to Begin

Here are some gentle, practical things you can try if imposter syndrome is showing up in your life:

1. Keep an Evidence Journal

When the imposter voice tells you that you don't know what you're doing, it helps to have evidence to the contrary. Keep a simple notebook — perhaps one you carry with you on your walks along Southsea seafront — where you jot down things you've done well, positive feedback you've received, and moments where you handled something with skill or care. Our brains are wired to remember the negatives; this practice helps rebalance that.

2. Name the Voice

Some people find it helpful to give their inner critic a name — something slightly absurd that creates a little distance between you and the thought. When "Derek" starts telling you that you're about to be found out, it's easier to respond with thanks for that, Derek, but I've got this.

3. Talk About It

Imposter syndrome thrives in secrecy. When we voice these feelings to someone we trust — a friend, a colleague, a therapist — something shifts. Often, the response is a look of recognition: I feel that too. You may be surprised how many people around you are quietly carrying the same thing.

4. Separate Feelings from Facts

Feelings are real and valid — but they aren't always factually accurate. I feel like a fraud is not the same as I am a fraud. Practising this distinction, gently and without self-criticism, can help loosen the power these feelings hold.

5. Revisit Your Story with Compassion

If you can begin to understand where your self-doubt came from — the environments, relationships, or experiences that shaped it — you can start to hold those origins with compassion rather than shame. You absorbed these messages for a reason. They made sense once. They may not serve you now.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

Imposter syndrome can be deeply entrenched, particularly when it's rooted in long-held beliefs about who we are and what we deserve. Reading a blog post or trying a few exercises can be a wonderful starting point — but sometimes, what we really need is a safe, non-judgmental space to explore these feelings more deeply.

Counselling offers exactly that. Working with a therapist, you can begin to gently unpack the origins of your self-doubt, challenge the stories you've been telling yourself, and build a more compassionate relationship with who you really are — not the version you think you need to perform, but the real, capable, worthy person underneath.

At MM Counselling, based here in Portsmouth, Marion Morris offers warm, person-centred counselling to individuals who are ready to explore what might be holding them back. Whether imposter syndrome is quietly whispering in the background or loudly getting in the way of your life and work, you don't have to navigate it alone.

If you'd like to find out more or have a conversation about whether counselling might be right for you, please do get in touch. Taking that first step can feel daunting — but it can also be the beginning of something genuinely life-changing.